Salam and hello everyone!
I am currently on my Summer Term break and am absoutely loving the weather these past few weeks! The sun has been shining beautifully from 5am till 9pm and the current furniture arrangments in my room allows me to absorb its wonderful rays to the max. The brightness just makes me all perky and wanting to hop around all day like I'm high on sunshine!
Muy bien let's first delve into my mental health and stability updates. So this year (term) has been a pretty unstable year filled with new friends, environments, courses, lecturers, etc. where I've pretty much been walking on unknown territories in terms of studies and future opportunities. It has definitely been scary and honestly I've had my fair share of Mini Internal Mind Meltdowns (MIMMs).
The figure I've drawn above basically illustrates how my MIMMs happen and all those different emotions shown are basically emotions that my mind is undergoing simultaneously whilst my outer persona maintains its normal function to communicate effectively and normally with other beings. To be honest, now that I have written and figuratively described it, I scare myself! I mean I seem so psychotic, yet I'm probably certain there are others who feel and undergo these same emotions. Indirectly I predict these MIMMs are occuring because I am not being honest with myself and tackling the main issue at hand, I am still very afraid and in denial of accepting the situations or the cards that I've been dealt with. That is definitely something that I'm working on to resolve, it'll take time but I guess I'll have to wake up at some point don't I. Life is definitely not a fairytale.
Moving on, last December my beloved mother came over to spend the December/Christmas holidays with me and my unfortunate inability to find housemates was definitely a blessing in disguise because we had the whole house to ourselves and it was absolutely splendid! Just having her around and allowing her to experience the life and journey that I've created here was definitely a breath of fresh air. Praise to Him we were fortunate enough to be able to visit my aunt in Ireland and my mom's good friend who now resides in The Netherlands with her family. Below is a photo post on my lovely Tulips that I planted which was brought over from The Netherlands, I honestly just absolutely adore them!!!
So there's this thing that I regularly do when I'm all stressed out which is procrastinate! *Dum dum dum* It really is just my fear of handling upcoming events or situations that causes me to fall in this downward spiral of procrastination, yet it is this very downward fall that brings about a more creative crafty side of myself which is absolutely fascinating. I say fascinating because my entire life I have been the least creative or crafty person in my family, I mean my parents are definitely brilliant at these sort of stuff but I've always accepted that I was not genetically gifted witht their talents. Heck throughout school they've been the ones I turn to to do all my school's artwork projects *yes I cheated and my parents did it instead*. So it's definitely a surprise that I genuinely welcome.
Also my procrastination brought about a humbling wishlist for the future that I may share on this blog. I call it My 30 Before 30 which is a simple list of accomplishments I hope to realize within a certain time period insyaAllah.
As I mentioned in the beginning I am currently on holls and this year's summer vacation has been planned out to be an interesting experience. Starting with arabic lessons which I am undertaking online after being inspired by my parents Umrah journey and also a few arab youtubers. I've only just started the lesson for the past 2 weeks yet I can already sense a certain form of relationship and understanding of the Al-Quran. What I mean is that they're not just mere arabic writings that is to be read, but they somehow speak to my inner self. Okay I know I sound weird now but let's look at an example.
As you can see above, once broken down into parts certain phrases just makes sense and applicable to other quranic verses. As you read, you pick up on those verses and you somehow become more alert as if you are being spoken to.
The last update that I can think of right now is that insyaAllah in July I will be flying to Czech Republic to attend my dear cousins graduation celebrations. Since both her parents, my uncle and aunt, won't be able to attend on those exact dates therefore I will be the family's representative for this joyous ocassion. I will be spending a week with her and I'm already mad with preparations and getting all engrossed with articles on places to visit, things to do and see, restaurant reviews and physical and mental training since I'll be travelling during the Ramadhan month. How exciting!
So that's all the updates I have for now to make up for my long absence.
Till then my angels! xxx
